Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ytd missedd out a post.
Was drunk , imma sorry.
anyway, heard tt u're at Geylang? laughs,
long anteana right?
i heard from both sebast sis n my gf.
anyway,
how're u uh?
hasnt heard much from u .^^
i hope u're fine yea.

So hows everything with yr gf?
i guess ya good leading yr sweet sweet life right?
heh.

I kind of miss our life,our old life style.
Was like so sweet.
T.T

the simple and casual everyday lifestyle.
The lifestyle tt i loves,
Ppl envy.
But all was the past,
I miss u terribly.

I believe someone words by saying,
Even u earned alot, u're kinda hard to find yr happiness.
hah.
quite true right?
sigh~

can we watch movie ?
can we go for dinner?
can we go for shopping?

I BET NO,NO MORE!


[[It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All that I know is I'mma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I'll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'mma be ok

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thursday, November 12, 2009

you text me,
asking to remove yr pic frm my FB.
U once told me,
u're embarrassed to hv or remember me as your ex.
But boy,
what i did?
i cn never figure out why?!

I'm upset that idk what i wants.
I broke of with kelvin,
i feel insecured with him my the feel wasnt the same.
In sms, ur msged sounded so sarcastic.
Maybe i was too. :(

WHY WHY WHY?
why does heaven wanna make a fool of me?
why is this path so rocky?
Why is it hurting me?
why am i insomnia?
Why is everybody against me ?
Whats happening?

What i want!
Whats wrong?!
why i just cn never love someone or why noone deserved my love?

Or am i taking him for you?
cus it seems like i can never do things the right way?
why recently i getta know so many xiaolong?
i dun wan!!!!

im getting insane.
my mind is cropped up.

i MISS U,
STILL,

CHAN RUK KHUN.
chan kit teung khun mak mak.


every day,
mai moa mai glban,
so silly right?

sigh*

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Another day past.
Was feeling super super super down ,
feel like hearing yr voice again but yet i cant.
T.T

Now,
congrats me for being single once again.
Congrats me for being hurt and lied too once again.
History repeated,
but thank god tt i didnt put in many effort.

heard that ya like having those ai mai attitude towards work?
what's wrong?
eveyday at gf hse?
kinda envy you tho.

Enjoy yr life yet im like a fool missing u .
hah.

I'm not in the mood to say much ,
just that i feel like giving up...
tiring ,
this cycle just goes on and on,
love hurt break cry.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Yak chen pen




Another another another day had past.
Idk why cant i sleep again.
This time,
I'm ashamed to say, I've teared again.
IDK why.
Getting,being alil emo . ^^

Sometimes i really dunno what i wants.
I've been asking myself.
I'm attached yet i dun seems to be like im. :(
I hv been comparing and comparing ppl with the old you.
Yet i kept telling myself tt no one is perfect, so am I.

Can you wish me happiness?!
Can i hear it from the bottom of your hear and str8 from your mouth.
CAN YOU?
Let me grieve,just this once,i knw i'll be fine after that.

Seems like i'm being rather paranoid again T.T
I'll just cut all this out.
Never wan u to find me being a nuisance again. (:

So,
how're you today? is yr gastric getting better ?
Are u on medications?
I'm gettin tired.
Idk why.
sigh*

We have drifted .
I guess even when one day we'll to bump into each others,
I'll feel kinda strange too.
When r u gg overseas?
R u settling there for long?
How's yr family ?
And.

Think tru,
From the bottom of yr heart,
You forgotten me?
You're happy ?

Remember,
Friends to lust, lovers to friends
yet why cant we be friend instead of the most familiar strangers?

Baby,
I guess this is the only way i can communicate with you,probably.


Monday, November 9, 2009

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We ONCE promised, to hold on together.


Another day past.
Hasn't heard from you a single bits at all.
Wondering how you're now.
Recently, im like insomnia.
Cant get to slp till 9 plus 10 which i dunno why.
Thoughts are running tru my mind.
memory starts to collapse.
Things are so contradicted...
"CHAN RAK KHUN"
meaning = _ ____ ___


every single actions means something.
Maybe by avoiding ya telling me to get totally outta your life?
is a good things that u got over fast (:
I cant, and i dont wish to.
I seriously dunno what i want now.
All i know is to work and earn
now, even when im reali sick i still goes to work.
Last whole week, i run 8 shows. should be only 6 yet last min show i still takes up.
Total 24 hrs last week i earn close to 1k. shouldnt u be glad for me?
I guess im uttering nonsense now.

Alright, Seriously,
I dunno will u be seeing my every entry but i hope u does.
Even if u dont, this blog will still goes on and on.
Right now,
I can only hear things from you but not see with my own eyes.
You've gotten what u yearn for , i shall be glad for you , dont I?
Is a pitty tt i cant be with u on yr 21st bday. :(
I hope u enjoyed yrself.
Least i knew u once were mine.
Maybe we tends to lie to each other or keep things from each others.
I know, that wasn't what we wanted too...
But now, realising u're gone,
Is really heartache but a lesson learnt toO.
Thanks,baby.

No matter what, our memories will live on,
The pain will be gone,
Our love will fade,
but you'll never gonna be forgotten.
Drifted, day by day.
This pain is getting over,
I hope it will be real soon.
Like u say,
Loving one doesnt needa hv possesion over the other party,
I strongly believe in this word now.
And by now, i believe what it meant by giving time to miss one another,
Like now,
I misses you hell lot!
The first time we hvnt seen each others for 62 days.
We hvnt hug each other for close to 2 months.
We hvnt watch movie together before sleep,
we hvnt eat together,
we hvnt wake up with each other by our side,
We hvnt play like a child ,
We hvnt had a real talk,
We hvnt hug each others to cry....
Never ever again,I know.

Guess ya working now,
dont get too exhausted.
Rest early every night and p.s. I love u & i cares


PS.
no matter what i will update this blog everyday.(:

Sunday, November 8, 2009



one moreday had past....
61 days w/o you...

I know we'll never be like before again.
I hope one fine day we'll met^^
the present i bought for you was a levis' belt.
Yet i doubt i have the chance to hand it to you personally.
Wondering will you read every post of mine that is delicated to you.
Specially for you.

Though i hv a bf now,
but i've nvr thought of putting my whole heart into this r/s.
No worries, I'm safe and sound in the hand of others.
and i hope you're too.
With extra care and sweet from your the other half =)
Though i miss you ,
though i still knows that i cares for you
but i will never ever bother your life again.
No worries,
I will not get yr contact from others to bother you.
but then remember,
if you ever need help or someone to talk to,
call me or text me anytime .
my number remains the same,
98324090 :)
you're the one that i love the most yet you're the one tt hurt me the most.
A real huge impact, on my life.
I knew you're not to be blamed but would you be able to tell me what i really yearn for?

I really dunno.
Everytime,anywhere i will just bump into your friends yet i never got to see you,
perhaps is a blessing in disguise for i know it will be rather awkward if i were to bump into you holding on to your gf.
By then, i really dont know how to react.
smile and walked away?
turn and ignored?
This love is hard to go on,
i retreat, i lose in a battle of our love...(:



[[
"Every time I see him all cool, calm and collected, I lose my breath, my heart starts pounding, and I am painfully aware that I am not over him and he is over me"
]]



2yrs plus back.
Our very first picture. (:

Saturday, November 7, 2009

60th day without you

Well, is almost 8am now =)

today would be the 60th day w/o you by my side.
slowly bits by bits, im getting used to all this.
No longer wake up with a big warm hug from u or to u.
No longer dark coffee with 2 scoops of sugar.
No longer tidying bed for you (:

I've heard from ppl tt came to find me just now at my wrk place tt u were at TG PGR.
Cool man, LOL. please control your limit of drinking, if u're drinking.

Hmmmmm, to be frank,
Being a dancer, comments from you does affect me but,
remember tt i earn by dancing and selling shots. Maybe to u, u're kind of conservative type so u will find that is not a decent job.but well, i didnt do anything to betray my self =) please dont look down on us as we work with our strength too.

Heard that u're leaving soon soon soon T.T
The thought of that actually make me have a kind of weird feelings inside.
i dunno why. sometimes i yearn to see you even from far far away,but sometimes i told myself never. Never because i might tear at the very sight of you or i dunno how to react like should i says Hi or should i just avoid.sounds rather contradicting right? haha.

Days w/o you pass fast too but it really hurts alot.
Sometimes i ask myself,
if im still with you, i wont be a dancer.
If im still with you, what would i be like?
If im still with you, how will everything goes?

but now....

im not with you, im a dancer.
im not with you, im totally changed.
Im not with you, everything turns hectic.

TRUE?

I party till the morning break,
I dunno why.
Tried staying home not gg out, yet i cant seems to fall aslp.
all i did was think and thoughts.

i rather i party and party.
dance and dance,
drink and drink.
like how u did.

Perhaps this is our good ending.
you chosen to avoid me might be or might not be a good thing.
You make me miss you terribly and wondering how u're
good thing to avoid knowing anything bout you.
Least i wont feels sad.

u and your girl looks compatible =)
enjoy , boy.
I give you my blessing, till the end.

The reason why i would open this blog is to let you know what im feeling.
even though we didnt cntct nor show, i still cares(:
i maybe bad at talking ,
but u should know me well enough.
i used to think that w/o you is the end for me.
The very first big break ups,
I attempted suicide.
I dunno why did i done so, but well,
i just only wants you to never leave me.
i thought im the most contented person in the world but hell no!
You broke my trust .
maybe tt is wat we call what goes around comes around.
You were a fine sweet nice and indeed my super god-like boyfriend.
we were like honey to bee.
but well, i knew im the one who started first,
i did the very first mistakes and then.......
everything started.

Maybe i didnt realise at tt time that im in fault but well,
time heals all wounds and time can actually make a person grow.
I've learnt from my previous mistakes;
never will i allow hisrtory to reapt itself.
Or should i says,
i let ppl enter into my life but very cautious.
I'm being hurt once, twice but never THRICE!
letting go makes me become stronger than i ever thought.
Now,
r/s actually isnt my priority now.
I needa work and save,
firstly, save for my dad least he comes out he has got some cash in hand.
secly, to further my studies.
thirdly, for my own maintenace.

I'm a big girl now(:
yea, i dun cry but i reminisce.
i thank god for giving me a great,you , before.

well,
as for vuitton,
she's utterly naughty (:
she's cute too.
Maybe ltr im brnging her to grooming.
no worry, i will treat every lil gift from you like gems.
Gems are rare, gift from you will nvr happen again = rare
^_^

i shall stop here,
shall continue tmr....

and ya,
nowadays weather is real bad.
like me,
im coughing and coughing,
down with super bad flu and bad throat,
so well,
please please please Xx 984272191021102

TAKE CARE!

chan kit teung kun