Specially for you

2010-09-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

we're together again.
is like after 1 year being separated.

Well, during this 1 whole long year,
we really go tru all ups n down.
perhaps our affinity just not gonna end this way .
during this 1 long year,
despite us being attach with another passerby,
we still meets up and gets back tgt but separated again.
is never easy for us to just get over each others even though how "perfect" the other person is cus in our eyes , there's just the both of us.
We just hv this chemistry && bonding between us,
is never easy to separate us cus eventually, we'll sstill be tgt as one(:

baby, i know i hv did many unforgiven things,
let's just slowly builds up everything from scratch(:
pardon my unfaithfulness & nightlife.
shall forgive those naive lil/overgrown ladies.
mayb god bless u n get ur karma toO.

TO those 2 overgrown bitch who self - proclaimed as my FREN:

i've told you girls,
even though you girls are in possesion of him,
u'll nvr be able to achieve his heart UNLESS u're ME (:
he just wanna toy with your feelings and being tgt with those tt i knw or foreginers that i dislike to agitate me. didnt i told u guys before? i hv known him too well...

u're nothing in my eyes, infact u're just a lil shallow faggorrts.
u girls are nothing,not even fit to be called bitch.
bitch are slutty n pretty with gd figure BUT u girls are slightly or simply overgrown. thus, i really pity your.
i may not be perfect but LEAST im of much better looking/figure than u impropotionate girls.

DIstorted figures/ unproportionate features. (Y)

2010-08-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

3rd of Aug..

2nd day of work. i ended wrk as early as 11 plus.
cus of the new office,new company,everything is not fully furnish yet hence my boss let me home and do my stuff. feel so shiok :DD
i gonna strive hard. yes, i've to motivate myself daily. and im sure im able to succeed. u'll definitely bless me with all u could.
ehhh, you ah , better tk care of mummy mary ah :D haha,
cnt forget those time whereby i call her mummy :p.
she loves me MORE than YOU hor.
u dunno only, we used to chat on phone for hours even when i aint with you.
dont envy hor. hah

i realised things have been going pretty smoothly for me,
im lovin my current life.superb.
im so indulged with my work everyday,
type quotations and invoices.
handle calls and filing necessary.
happy not? the only job that u and many ppl hope im doing .
eh, dont be arrogrant, i did it cus is a benefit for myself.
not because of you ppl. HAHAHAHA :Xx

u tk gd care of yourself ah.
if not im so gonna post ur idiotic pic up Up UPP.
if i ever heard u misbehave. :X

okay,
i needa rest. gonna eat and wash up and off to bed EARLY.
BTW, i hvnt been drinking nor K-ellying ever since that day.
applause please :)

2/8/10 9pm

2010-08-02T05:49:00.000-07:00

im super tired at wrk.LOL.though is a 9-6 wrk la.:X and i did nth much...i didnt txt anyone , i keepy playing games. jitao cnt be bothered with mmy ph. hah,so unlike me hor? hmmmmm,,,
if is th past u sure say, bibi,no choice endure.v.fast de :DD
still rmbr my first day of wrk , first job? at changi? i keep mking noise.LOL
tho is not tough but then is tiring maybe im not used to the timing.:( tiring but worth it. ive had fun. new furniture, desk,chairs,com.everything NEW. see, im fortunate hor. ehhh, i realised actually many ppl do cares for me. infact i reaalised that im v.stupid to nt treasure my life -.-" wtf

okays, i came accross this passage,im rather guilty after reading it. if i cn turn back time, i wont hesistate to giv birth even when i knw u wont be with me till ever. really. somhow regretted.

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is Jalexis, and I've got beautiful black eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. and i realised your get worried.but why? your started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you being kicked from th back, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy.

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 10-11 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!

I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

8:45am

2010-08-01T17:59:00.000-07:00

4 more days to th day we r tgt 3 yrs back (: time flies.
your image seems to slowly vanish from my vision...
is a good thing though.
you said u've got a gf,ur gf is her.
well, ive got nothing to say and i shall say that's the both of your luck.
is a blessing in disguise i supposed.
i doesnt feel a thing after you told me.
instead, u motivated me to work n strive harder for my future.
not involving with any guys arnd.(:
perhaps one day when i think back, i really gonna thanks you,limjilong.
thanks you for just slammed me back to reality, had a gr8 fall.
it used to hurts me alot alot alot.the pain that noone can feel.
but now i've learnt to pick myself up.though everyone arnd me cares,they loves me dearly,
but thrs nth that they can do,all i can say is that i've to learn to pick myself up if not,noone wld be able to help me too.i've learnt to see diff FACES of ppl.DIFF SIDE. (: thanksfully i didnt really trust ANYONE. everyone helped you with a reason,and you will find that reason one day.
i know is difficult for you too but i believe you will b happy for me , dont you?
least ive learned to walk alone.independently w/o any help. only good memories are meant to be kept. agreed? dont blame urself for hitting ur loved one. cus she simply didnt put the blames on you. all she hope was to see u succeed in ur career.dont let burden , add on to ur burden. u knw what i meant(: im fine these days. i've learnt to let go. really, i believe this time round i wld move on ...your words that day tounched me,u really did. but nxt day i seen another u . and the following day, a brand new unfamiliar one that i used to knw. i knw everything u did is for a reason, the reason why u wld rather told me i oso knw even though if u kept quiet, i wld nvr found out.(: i knw why u chose to hurt me badly and put on a strong front, i knw every lil reason behind it (: i smile after knowing. thanks bi. enough of th rants, i needa go work alrdy.(:

2010-07-27T19:03:00.000-07:00

yesterday was really a fcuking bad day i swear. i really didnt seh. im only asking for you to be back. i cried badly. i called u time and again yet u scolded me like fucking hell. u said dunno how many fking guys hv fucked me before, im a fucking dancer, look at this LOK me. LOL. why ah , why must u hurt me with ur wrds. i was almost admitted to hospital yet u cldnt even bother. u still ask me go jummp down perhaps den u wld forgive me, i swear. if voxy didnt suddenly found me, i'll jump down to beg for ur forgivness. but think back, am i th only one at fault? am i? didnt u did anything b4? u said u beg me but u didnt put in effort b4. how abt me? u evenn said even if i hv ur named tattooed, even if on my face u cldnt even fking bother with me this mad girl . hillarous. ya, im mad, all thnx to u . i broke down, all thnx to u . i cried , u hang my phone. i almost admmitedd, u say thats my fking problem and hang up and off ur ph. ure out thr enjoying, fooling arnd. im crying tears shedding everywher i go. why ? why must it be so unfair to me. if i really die, u rly wil forgive me? what u meaant by 3 months? 3 months of me crying and u enjoying outside?

2010-07-26T19:19:00.000-07:00

this love seems like it has all come to an ending. your words hurts me deeply as though knives pierced tru my heart. i cried, i sob,i weep. wad else can i do when u;ve changed drastically. i thought this time i would be able to hold on to u. u know tt day, though im drunk, i still rmbr every words u said, i took it seriously. u said, u'll make me ur wife. u ask me to give it a serious thought for 2 weeks. infact i dont need 2 weeks, i can agree with u. u said u wont want me to be ur gf,u want to make me ur wife. i was happy yet contradicte'd. cus i knw daddy wont be happy. but den , i still choosen to forsake everyone, just for you. i did told him abt that, he told me, "好,怀,是你的命,路是自己选的"as long as im happy but he wont be happy.yet u fooled me with ur words, u convince me with ur words. perhaps u just wanna get back at me for treating u lyk this, i didnt blame u. cus i knew is all my fault.bi, i really wanna fight for our happiness. but seems like u changed . u really did, from viet disco to thai disco and to nightclubs. u knw , u're out thr enjoying yet im home crying. i said i'll wait. this time round, im firm. i knw if last mnth, ive kept to my promises, things wouldnt be like this nnow, but u noe how tough how difficult it was during tt one month?i knw ive done many big mistakes but wont u just forgive me once? for the last time? u told me u found a new love. u fall for a girl. i dunno shld i be happy or devastated. im breaking down soon. really. nvr hv i feel so hurt before. u used to love me deeply, i knw ive hurt u.im sorry. i know a million a trillion apology doesnt helps. i shall prove to you tt i really changed. everyone ard me told me to get over u, move on. it isnt worth but i just cant . i really cant! baby, u know how much u meant to me. i dont ask for your wealth, u shld knw it best. i dont fancy ur money. i just wants the devoted and faithful u. the hubby that i used to love infinity. the one tt promised me to go tru thick n thin with me. i dont care wad others wld think cus i knw i love u . and thiis love cld nvr be replace.nvr ever! i thought ive moveed on, but my heart stood rooted to the ground. moved on physically yet my heart wasnt. baby, i promise to wait, even if u're with another new girl, i will still wait patiently for the return on u to undone my mistake for u . i knw u hv no longer hv any feeling for me but im persistent. i wanna be ur wife, still rmbr we wanted to engaged ? i dont mind if we live in 1 room flat , i dont mind me working . i dont mind everything. im willing to go tru all hard ships with u . im prepared for all this. our so called engagement right i still wears. i wld nvr ever remove it till till my v.last breath. im speaking fromth bottom of my true heat. u told me u only love forgenier girls now. (: silly baby, i'lll wait as long as i cld(: i promise u . u shall be my last love. now and always!

靜 - 心墙 English lyrics:Looking over the bluish green sea and blue sky all alone.Inside my heart, it gets plastered a bit.Dolphins are passing through in front of me.I just saw the brightest smile.Good times should always be treasured.I learned not to worry too much.Don't plan too much, instead be brave and go on an adventure.Spend every day abundantly, enjoy each day wooh~ The first time I met you the cloudy day covered the side of your face.What kind of story do you have, I really want to know.I feel that I understand your specialness.You're heart has a wall, but I discovered a window.Sometimes you revealed a trace of warm gleam.Even if you have a wall.My love will climb up on the windowsill and flourishly open it.Open the window and you'll see your sadness dissolve.I learned not to worry too much.Don't plan too much, instead be brave and go on an adventure.Spend every day abundantly, enjoy each day wooh~ The first time I met you the cloudy day covered the side of your face.What kind of story do you have, I really want to know.I feel that I understand your specialness.You're heart has a wall, but I discovered a window.Sometimes you revealed a trace of warm gleam.Even if you have a wall.My love will climb up on the windowsill and flourishly open it.Open the window and you'll see your sadness dissolve.Oh ~ You're heart has a wall, but I discovered a window.Sometimes you revealed a trace of warm gleam.Oh ~ Even if you have a wall.My love will climb up on the windowsill and flourishly open it.Open the window and you'll see your sadness dissolve.You will be able to smell the clear fragrant of happiness

2010-07-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

have been hving dream of you.
dreaming of you with other girls yet i hv to put on a strong front.
i woke up with a smile,tat i dreamt of u .
tho it hurts,
but still, i smile tt u're blissful.
asked why wld i dreamt of u ?
weird dream, perhaps cus i miss u too much.

I act cool, act as though i cldnt be bothered,
play hard to gt,
Act like i hv let go.....
but my heart ache,
image of u appearing everynow n then,
to be frank, u arent perfect,
yet i still choose to love u perfectly.

it hurts. but i knw is a gd thing too.
distance felt, heart aching who to tell to?
everyone knw who i love th most even w/o me telling.
everyone knw who i misses most even w/o saying a single wrd.

sometimes i wonder ,
what u're dng, where r u ? and hows everything gg on?
i knw this time round is my fault.
i still cn act till so cool by saying thanks and may god bless u toO.
HAHA, what a joke.
cus i knw,
i knw i hv and i must let go.
tho i felt stupid and rather impulsive on mking this decision but still i nvr regret.
cus i knw u wont be happy with th presence me.

no matter how far i walked,
how many ppl ive met,
how many bf i chnged,
there's noone tt i cn love like how i used to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPXkvSJCPso

2010-07-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

as time goes by ,,
his face slowly disappearing
from my mind . his name ,,
his call and his text msgs
slowly disappear too .
i'm slowly starting to get used to
it .slowly ,,
i'll forget his smell and his
everything . and i know is over now...(:

thanks for ur well wishes,
i would last with him.
thanks for your blessing, i'll move on happily.
tkc, much misses~

2010-06-11T17:16:00.000-07:00

had been meeting you everyday ever since sunday.
u hv been so uper sweet.
the reason for me to work nightlife,
ure the reason for me to quit too..

u told me to change,
be a gd girl,
be faithful,
wait 3-5 yrs.
do u think i cld?

if u're others, i wont hesistate to tell u i wont wait,
wont even bother to think either,
but diff,
cus i knw,
no matter how long it takes, i wld eventually wait.

i donno what had actually drawn us to be together,
what had cause us to b inseparatble.
what has cus us to love each other,
but i knew,
my love for u are real...

every single thing u asked was th facts,
i didnt lie.

i hope tt nth gonna obstruct us along our ways.
those bitches n jerks,
i hope they wld kindly fcuk off from us far far away.

i cld sense a huge changes in u ,
maybe ur attitude had been diff,
u're much sweeter n dote me more(:
i hope this wld just last.

rmbr,bi,
noone owe anyone a living,
u dont owe me anything.

<3

2010-06-08T04:50:00.001-07:00

2 continous days with you,
i felt loved.(:
now i realise ur heart still cnsist of me.
i'm glad that u do still rmbr n cares(:

hasnt been hving any gd slp ever since months back.
nvr felt so swet for a period of time.
though we didnt travelled anywhr ,
but i do enjoyed ur companion. <3

2010-06-05T16:23:00.000-07:00

255 days without you.
i misses u like hell...

today mark our 2 yrs 10 mths anni.
if only things werent like this,
if only everything turns out perfectly,
if only u didnt be with vietnams,
if only i wasnt a dancer,
if only i didnt toyed with others...

i realised i know why i wld change bf rapidly,
wasnt cuz im a slut,
wasnt cuz im lack of love,
want cus of any other reason,
neither did i goes to bed with them,
was that i realise , a sense of satisfaction when i hurt someone...

make them falls for me,
and dump them str8 away.

there's no motive of all this but then perhaps i hv been hurt thoroughly.
i no longer knw whats th definition of love,
define it please.

i didnt kknw u causes sucha gr8 impact to my life,
for once, i realised i'm rather dumb.

bet u cnt even bother abt me,
why should i cares so much?
why must i ?

why shld i try asking how's ur everything.

though i did said b4 it wld be better nt to stay in touch.
but whenever i'm all alone,
mind wasnt occupied with things,
i would starts to think of you.

somehow i just wanted u to get outta my life for good.
but seems like the more i want to forgt u,th harder it is.
the harder i tried, all i gt was failure.

things wasnt th same,
grant me 3 wishes,

i wish for just a day to be with u,i wldnt wanna go out, i wld want the whole 24 hrs to be home, just u and me, i promise to cook a sumptious meal for u, mk up everything that i had missed, hugged u tightly to slp . jusst for a day.i wld be contented.

i wish for u to find a stable job soon

i wish for u to stay healthy like b4 rather than drink n drink,
gastric pain and stuff.

u meant alot to me,
u're forever in my mind,
i didnt told u,
i nvr wanted to let u know,
cus i nvr wanna be ur burden.
i dont wan u to stress abt ur future,
i dont wan u to missed out gr8 opportunity cus of me.
i dont wana adds on to ur bruden,ur stress, my bad.

if time cld be back to those days,
i wldnt abort the lil ones,
even if i knw we wldnt be tgt eternity,
i wld gladly gave birth to them.

by now ,
one shld be 2 yrs plus,
another one wld coming to a yr.
if only ...

i hv nvr regretted being with u,
nvr regretted hving ur kids,
nvr ever...

i knw this love had die.
i know things wldnt be the same as usual,
i knowwwww......

最熟悉的陌生人

2010-06-04T18:27:00.000-07:00

had been 254 days wiithout you
Sometimes i do wonder,
is it a good thing to not being in touch?

yea,i do miss u, i wanna hear frm u but i'm afraid to hear things which i doesnt like.

like i always said,
u are the only one that could pick me up when i fall,
the only one that could make me fall,
the only one that had been running tru my mind every now&then.
place&ppl reminds me of you.

days back,
i dreamt of u,
dreamt of u pass-by me,
treat me as tho a stranger twice,
it seems so real...
i woke up immd &
text ur previous number telling you abt the dream but i noe u wont be seeing it cus tt number u no longer using.

ur presence still lingers.

i miss ur silly acts,
i miss being dote by u,
i miss crapping ard with u,
i miss those times whereby we play & fool ard like a kid,
i miss making breakfast for u,
i miss eating supper with u,
i miss ur companion,
i miss ur everything...

things wld nvr be the same,
i rather hear from u by someone elses,
i hope u're happier than before,
i would nvr wanna contact you nor intrude ur life.

thanks for everything... <3

had been insomnia,
perhaps ive think too much,
i always wonder how are u ?
did u take ur meals on time?
hows ur gastric?
hows everything?

if only things were as simple as ABC.

if only my determinations is strong...
if only clock could be unwind...

我走以后,你现在的生活,会不会也偶尔想起我???
是否真的要忘记，才能够放弃。。。

sometimes,
i should thanks u...
thanks u for being so heartless that i would become so protective against others.

i realised,
i couldnt love,
i couldnt find back the love i used to gave u,
i couldnt retrieve it back,

the only reason that i feel happy was browsing back our past memories,

BELONGS TO XIAOLONG

remember this tag?
i remember vividly that u were having ur duty we were chatting over th phone,
u said u hv got a surprise for me,
and the following day, u gave it to me.
though is nothing special or exp,
but is the thoughts that count (:

it states " BIBI i love u,060807"
how sweet, i miss those sweet precious times...

see,
though u are gone, but u're always beside me.
ur verythings everythings still with me,

diamond ring,couple ring,stuffed toys,gold chain,rose,clothes,havainas,
pictures,LV sling,burbery cardholder,ur clothes,ur everything...

by now i suppose u wld realised how much u stands in my heart.
i dont hv to tell,to say, but deep down within,
i knows u meant alot to me.

misses you lots...

2010-01-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

Had been like dacades since i last update.
Well, did i mentioned something like im together with him at tt time but w/o status.
COOL right? but but, getting tired. cus whenever or whereever we go ppll ask ur gf uh? he will say NO,MY EX GF but den continue to hug and hold my hands , hillarious right? anyway , tt was like a month ago. AND right now, he's indeed missing, totally gone. WHY? idk. for some certains weird reason i suppose.Even his frens cnt even find him.how is he den, cn anyone tel me ? 0.o Somehow i realise i don miss him that often now,why? does it meant tt i no longer love him like b4? Maybe is a good sign den. but i realise i hv becoming a total changed person. why? is he the cause of everything,? true enough, behind every bitch does always a jerk who mk them does tt. Im being like a bitch gg ard fooling ard hurting everyone. why? im like a cactus,i will prick when guys are near.all thanks to him maybe? maybe tt's the reason why i wld be more cautious. guys are guys after all,
but thr's one thing for sure is tt though we're over but seeing u with another girl be it i dumb u or another way rounds, i still felt uncomfortable.wasnt because im jealous or envy,maybe because i knew tt i used to be tt girl... Somehow or rather, i still concern bout u . idk why... tk good care of yrself alright?

2009-11-14T20:19:00.001-08:00

Ytd missedd out a post.
Was drunk , imma sorry.
anyway, heard tt u're at Geylang? laughs,
long anteana right?
i heard from both sebast sis n my gf.
anyway,
how're u uh?
hasnt heard much from u .^^
i hope u're fine yea.

So hows everything with yr gf?
i guess ya good leading yr sweet sweet life right?
heh.

I kind of miss our life,our old life style.
Was like so sweet.
T.T

the simple and casual everyday lifestyle.
The lifestyle tt i loves,
Ppl envy.
But all was the past,
I miss u terribly.

I believe someone words by saying,
Even u earned alot, u're kinda hard to find yr happiness.
hah.
quite true right?
sigh~

can we watch movie ?
can we go for dinner?
can we go for shopping?

I BET NO,NO MORE!

[[It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All that I know is I'mma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I'll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'mma be ok

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

2009-11-12T20:48:00.000-08:00

you text me,
asking to remove yr pic frm my FB.
U once told me,
u're embarrassed to hv or remember me as your ex.
But boy,
what i did?
i cn never figure out why?!

I'm upset that idk what i wants.
I broke of with kelvin,
i feel insecured with him my the feel wasnt the same.
In sms, ur msged sounded so sarcastic.
Maybe i was too. :(

WHY WHY WHY?
why does heaven wanna make a fool of me?
why is this path so rocky?
Why is it hurting me?
why am i insomnia?
Why is everybody against me ?
Whats happening?

What i want!
Whats wrong?!
why i just cn never love someone or why noone deserved my love?

Or am i taking him for you?
cus it seems like i can never do things the right way?
why recently i getta know so many xiaolong?
i dun wan!!!!

im getting insane.
my mind is cropped up.

i MISS U,
STILL,

CHAN RUK KHUN.
chan kit teung khun mak mak.

every day,
mai moa mai glban,
so silly right?

sigh*

2009-11-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

Another day past.
Was feeling super super super down ,
feel like hearing yr voice again but yet i cant.
T.T

Now,
congrats me for being single once again.
Congrats me for being hurt and lied too once again.
History repeated,
but thank god tt i didnt put in many effort.

heard that ya like having those ai mai attitude towards work?
what's wrong?
eveyday at gf hse?
kinda envy you tho.

Enjoy yr life yet im like a fool missing u .
hah.

I'm not in the mood to say much ,
just that i feel like giving up...
tiring ,
this cycle just goes on and on,
love hurt break cry.

2009-11-10T20:43:00.001-08:00

Yak chen pen

2009-11-10T20:15:00.000-08:00

Another another another day had past.
Idk why cant i sleep again.
This time,
I'm ashamed to say, I've teared again.
IDK why.
Getting,being alil emo . ^^

Sometimes i really dunno what i wants.
I've been asking myself.
I'm attached yet i dun seems to be like im. :(
I hv been comparing and comparing ppl with the old you.
Yet i kept telling myself tt no one is perfect, so am I.

Can you wish me happiness?!
Can i hear it from the bottom of your hear and str8 from your mouth.
CAN YOU?
Let me grieve,just this once,i knw i'll be fine after that.

Seems like i'm being rather paranoid again T.T
I'll just cut all this out.
Never wan u to find me being a nuisance again. (:

So,
how're you today? is yr gastric getting better ?
Are u on medications?
I'm gettin tired.
Idk why.
sigh*

We have drifted .
I guess even when one day we'll to bump into each others,
I'll feel kinda strange too.
When r u gg overseas?
R u settling there for long?
How's yr family ?
And.

Think tru,
From the bottom of yr heart,
You forgotten me?
You're happy ?

Remember,
Friends to lust, lovers to friends
yet why cant we be friend instead of the most familiar strangers?

Baby,
I guess this is the only way i can communicate with you,probably.

2009-11-09T18:12:00.001-08:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

2009-11-09T16:39:00.000-08:00

We ONCE promised, to hold on together.

Another day past.
Hasn't heard from you a single bits at all.
Wondering how you're now.
Recently, im like insomnia.
Cant get to slp till 9 plus 10 which i dunno why.
Thoughts are running tru my mind.
memory starts to collapse.
Things are so contradicted...
"CHAN RAK KHUN"
meaning = _ ____ ___

every single actions means something.
Maybe by avoiding ya telling me to get totally outta your life?
is a good things that u got over fast (:
I cant, and i dont wish to.
I seriously dunno what i want now.
All i know is to work and earn
now, even when im reali sick i still goes to work.
Last whole week, i run 8 shows. should be only 6 yet last min show i still takes up.
Total 24 hrs last week i earn close to 1k. shouldnt u be glad for me?
I guess im uttering nonsense now.

Alright, Seriously,
I dunno will u be seeing my every entry but i hope u does.
Even if u dont, this blog will still goes on and on.
Right now,
I can only hear things from you but not see with my own eyes.
You've gotten what u yearn for , i shall be glad for you , dont I?
Is a pitty tt i cant be with u on yr 21st bday. :(
I hope u enjoyed yrself.
Least i knew u once were mine.
Maybe we tends to lie to each other or keep things from each others.
I know, that wasn't what we wanted too...
But now, realising u're gone,
Is really heartache but a lesson learnt toO.
Thanks,baby.

No matter what, our memories will live on,
The pain will be gone,
Our love will fade,
but you'll never gonna be forgotten.
Drifted, day by day.
This pain is getting over,
I hope it will be real soon.
Like u say,
Loving one doesnt needa hv possesion over the other party,
I strongly believe in this word now.
And by now, i believe what it meant by giving time to miss one another,
Like now,
I misses you hell lot!
The first time we hvnt seen each others for 62 days.
We hvnt hug each other for close to 2 months.
We hvnt watch movie together before sleep,
we hvnt eat together,
we hvnt wake up with each other by our side,
We hvnt play like a child ,
We hvnt had a real talk,
We hvnt hug each others to cry....
Never ever again,I know.

Guess ya working now,
dont get too exhausted.
Rest early every night and p.s. I love u & i cares

PS.
no matter what i will update this blog everyday.(:

2009-11-08T15:14:00.000-08:00

one moreday had past....
61 days w/o you...

I know we'll never be like before again.
I hope one fine day we'll met^^
the present i bought for you was a levis' belt.
Yet i doubt i have the chance to hand it to you personally.
Wondering will you read every post of mine that is delicated to you.
Specially for you.

Though i hv a bf now,
but i've nvr thought of putting my whole heart into this r/s.
No worries, I'm safe and sound in the hand of others.
and i hope you're too.
With extra care and sweet from your the other half =)
Though i miss you ,
though i still knows that i cares for you
but i will never ever bother your life again.
No worries,
I will not get yr contact from others to bother you.
but then remember,
if you ever need help or someone to talk to,
call me or text me anytime .
my number remains the same,
98324090 :)
you're the one that i love the most yet you're the one tt hurt me the most.
A real huge impact, on my life.
I knew you're not to be blamed but would you be able to tell me what i really yearn for?

I really dunno.
Everytime,anywhere i will just bump into your friends yet i never got to see you,
perhaps is a blessing in disguise for i know it will be rather awkward if i were to bump into you holding on to your gf.
By then, i really dont know how to react.
smile and walked away?
turn and ignored?
This love is hard to go on,
i retreat, i lose in a battle of our love...(:

[[
"Every time I see him all cool, calm and collected, I lose my breath, my heart starts pounding, and I am painfully aware that I am not over him and he is over me"
]]

2yrs plus back.
Our very first picture. (:

60th day without you

2009-11-07T15:55:00.001-08:00

Well, is almost 8am now =)

today would be the 60th day w/o you by my side.
slowly bits by bits, im getting used to all this.
No longer wake up with a big warm hug from u or to u.
No longer dark coffee with 2 scoops of sugar.
No longer tidying bed for you (:

I've heard from ppl tt came to find me just now at my wrk place tt u were at TG PGR.
Cool man, LOL. please control your limit of drinking, if u're drinking.

Hmmmmm, to be frank,
Being a dancer, comments from you does affect me but,
remember tt i earn by dancing and selling shots. Maybe to u, u're kind of conservative type so u will find that is not a decent job.but well, i didnt do anything to betray my self =) please dont look down on us as we work with our strength too.

Heard that u're leaving soon soon soon T.T
The thought of that actually make me have a kind of weird feelings inside.
i dunno why. sometimes i yearn to see you even from far far away,but sometimes i told myself never. Never because i might tear at the very sight of you or i dunno how to react like should i says Hi or should i just avoid.sounds rather contradicting right? haha.

Days w/o you pass fast too but it really hurts alot.
Sometimes i ask myself,
if im still with you, i wont be a dancer.
If im still with you, what would i be like?
If im still with you, how will everything goes?

but now....

im not with you, im a dancer.
im not with you, im totally changed.
Im not with you, everything turns hectic.

TRUE?

I party till the morning break,
I dunno why.
Tried staying home not gg out, yet i cant seems to fall aslp.
all i did was think and thoughts.

i rather i party and party.
dance and dance,
drink and drink.
like how u did.

Perhaps this is our good ending.
you chosen to avoid me might be or might not be a good thing.
You make me miss you terribly and wondering how u're
good thing to avoid knowing anything bout you.
Least i wont feels sad.

u and your girl looks compatible =)
enjoy , boy.
I give you my blessing, till the end.

The reason why i would open this blog is to let you know what im feeling.
even though we didnt cntct nor show, i still cares(:
i maybe bad at talking ,
but u should know me well enough.
i used to think that w/o you is the end for me.
The very first big break ups,
I attempted suicide.
I dunno why did i done so, but well,
i just only wants you to never leave me.
i thought im the most contented person in the world but hell no!
You broke my trust .
maybe tt is wat we call what goes around comes around.
You were a fine sweet nice and indeed my super god-like boyfriend.
we were like honey to bee.
but well, i knew im the one who started first,
i did the very first mistakes and then.......
everything started.

Maybe i didnt realise at tt time that im in fault but well,
time heals all wounds and time can actually make a person grow.
I've learnt from my previous mistakes;
never will i allow hisrtory to reapt itself.
Or should i says,
i let ppl enter into my life but very cautious.
I'm being hurt once, twice but never THRICE!
letting go makes me become stronger than i ever thought.
Now,
r/s actually isnt my priority now.
I needa work and save,
firstly, save for my dad least he comes out he has got some cash in hand.
secly, to further my studies.
thirdly, for my own maintenace.

I'm a big girl now(:
yea, i dun cry but i reminisce.
i thank god for giving me a great,you , before.

well,
as for vuitton,
she's utterly naughty (:
she's cute too.
Maybe ltr im brnging her to grooming.
no worry, i will treat every lil gift from you like gems.
Gems are rare, gift from you will nvr happen again = rare
^_^

i shall stop here,
shall continue tmr....

and ya,
nowadays weather is real bad.
like me,
im coughing and coughing,
down with super bad flu and bad throat,
so well,
please please please Xx 984272191021102

TAKE CARE!

chan kit teung kun